With the last two NBA seasons ending in Miami, the league’s champions are turning parties at the opulent, 3.5-star Yelp-rated club LIV into as much a part of the celebration experience as popping champagne bottles or acting like the head coach was the guy the players wanted in charge all along. With its views, bottle service, and air of exclusivity, it’s the perfect place to reflect on a career in basketball, spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, and get so drunk that the athletes forget everything about the greatest night of their lives.
Yet LIV does not have every amenity its patrons could ever want. For instance, after winning the championship last Thursday, Heat big man Chris Bosh was hungry. Knowing he could only eat $40 pretzels at LIV (note: I have never been to LIV), Bosh decided to grab some food at Taco Bell, the home of champions. From an appearance on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” as transcribed by Ira Winderman for the South Florida Sun Sentinel (via TBJ ):
What a difference a censored bleep makes.
It was time for Jimmy Kimmel Live to feature their weekly installment of “This Week in Unnecessary Censorship.”
What follows is another hilarious piece of evidence that the beep and blur of censorship that is in place to shield us all from the naughty can also be used for evil.
Sports fans will get a kick out of two glorious moments.
At the 24-second mark, a Miami reporter illustrates white towel Heat fans get as they take their seats for a finals game.
Of course, it comes out as, “these (censored) little towels.”
It adds a great deal of gravitas to mere towels that become amazing and necessary items of fandom with but one bleep.
We then come to the tenuous actions of a trainer upon LeBron James as he tries to get past a badly cramping leg.
There is nothing off-putting going on, until you blur a certain area. That’s the moment an innocent tending to of a superstar turns quite, um, yeah.
The rest of the video is pure gold for the immature humor aficionado in all of us. I guess this would be NSFW, but you would have to bleep your own sick mind and the added censorship for that issue.
Follow me on Twitter because I said so.
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For those who missed the late-night hijinks, Chandler Tyson and Rajon Rondo engaged in an online scavenger hunt for Tuesday’s episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live.
With surprising good grace and good humor, the two NBA superstars were faced with causing their own embarrassment.
According to the rules, the players were to run around their own little crib and find items that Mr. Kimmel named. The first man back with said item would win a round.
Since both men live in palatial splendor, the empty chairs in which they sat clearly belonged to the Louis XIV collection, chosen by their decorators.
First item up: the latest item they were reading. To our surprise, neither came back with a graphic novel or the comics.
Rondo seemed only to reach over to the nearby coffee table to pick up The Other Wes Moore (in softcover, no e-books), a fascinating book about two men with the same name: one a convicted murderer and the other a White House aide.
Alas, Tyson seemed to take quite a while to find a biography of Jerry West with uncut pages. Point to Rondo.
Second item: the men were required to bring to the camera an item that would cause embarrassment and consternation if their teammates saw it.
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Chandler returned immediately with what looked like a porcelain piggy bank he found at a flea market. Rondo took longer, but returned with a red old-fashioned phone that looked like the hotline used by JFK during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Point to Chandler.
Finally, both men were required to locate a wig in their home and come to the camera wearing it. Tyson seemed to show immediate consternation and exasperation. Rondo sat in stunned dismay for a few seconds.
Quickly returning in a towel, Chandler decided he had something better—and ran off again. Rondo came back wearing a garish plastic shower hat. When Tyson returned, he wore a woman’s hair extender. Point to Tyson.
We couldn’t make this stuff up.
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Gary Oldman is stepping up for a great cause. Some may even say the best cause. The famed actor can’t stand the sight of NBA players acting in movies, and he comes armed with f-bombs.
Oldman was on Jimmy Kimmel Live to deliver a hilarious rant on NBA players thinking they can step seamlessly into the realm of acting.
The actor, who plays commissioner Gordon in The Dark Knight Rises, has thoughts on athletes who try to act: He doesn’t like it.
He steps onto a court like any other PSA, and then delivers kind words of wisdom to the audience. Only, they get ramped up to a fever pitch when he can’t stand the thought of NBA players acting any longer.
I have to agree with Oldman, as most professional basketball players give their roles in movies the same gusto they do their postgame interviews.
In fact, you need to watch Blue Chips with the subtitles on just to hear what the hell Shaquille O’Neal is saying.
If you need proof, Dime Magazine once did a top-10 list of NBA players in movies, and a good amount of them will have you chuckling to think they are considered top-10 anything.
Ray Allen as Jesus Shuttlesworth is, of course, excused. I mean, Dennis Rodman in Double Team is top-seven.
I am guessing Oldman wouldn’t have any issue with the upcoming Chinese blockbuster entitled Amazing. The NBA stars are free to act horribly, as long as they’re overseas.
Follow me on Twitter for more amazing.
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Kevin Love was a guest on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Tuesday and told the host he’s a lock to make the squad because he’s the token white guy.
Asked by Kimmel if he needed to try out for the squad, Love broke out a joke.
“Well it’s interesting. For me, I don’t know if I have to because they always need at least one token white guy,” he joked. “I think that I have a pretty good shot of making it there.
“It’s like the white guy in the gang — he’s the one you really gotta watch out for.”
Love talked about plenty of other topics, and said he doesn’t really want any team to win the NBA championship since his T-Wolves didn’t make the playoffs. He did admit he’s partial to the Thunder because his former UCLA roommate and teammate Russell Westbrook is on the squad.
Love also discussed his Twitter absence at length. Love explained to Kimmel that he got into trouble by the team for breaking news of the Rick Adelman coaching hire via Twitter, and that why he’s been less active with it. I guess we’ll excuse him for not mentioning that he also ripped his front office for botching the 2009 draft, but he did concede that many of the franchise’s social media rules probably were created in response to his social media habits.
Thanks to LBS contributor A. Liu for the tip